Week #18 - 05/18/2015

                    Conqistar o Morrir

This has been a long week but at the same time a good one. We had quite a few set backs with a number of investigators, but Satan better work harder because it only motivates me more. There is a scripture I love in Alma chapter 56, verse 16 and 17. 

"... for they had fought valiantly by day and toiled by night to maintain their cities; and thus they had suffered afflictions of every kind. 17) And now they were determined to conquer in this place or die."

That has basically been my motto, through migraines and sleepless nights, where even in my dreams I am planning lessons for my investigators. From relapse to rejection and days when you are so sick you can hardly think, if I can still walk, or even crawl, I will keep going. I will conquer in Hampton or die, and every day I love it more and more. Who else can say they did all this for the most amazing purpose God can grant us? I can feel his help in everything, and that is why I can actually stand up. 

a conqistar o morir. 

It is amazing how much we can see God helping us if we just take the time to think about it and write it down. And we will never have enough time to actually write it all down, but you can start to see miracles every day as you try. I wish I did more. My old journal was full of nothing but my own stupid opinions and stupid things me and my friends did, or things I thought I knew about life. I saw a talk from Henry B. Eyrying where he told about how he kept a journal for years for his children, where nomatter how tired he was or little time he had, at the end of the day he would always right down a few things the Lord did for him. Man, I need to do that more. I feel I have lost or forgotten so many spiritual experiences that shaped my life, and even the ones I haven't forgot I don't remember completely. But I do have one experience I want to share with you guys. 

Every since we began my mission, I have been telling people that if they read the Book of Mormon with real intent to know if it is the word of God and act on that answer, with a sincere heart and faith in Jesus Christ that they will get an answer, that they will. And I had yet to do that myself. Don't get me wrong, I knew with my whole heart that it was true already. As I have prayed to understand and  have read the scriptures, I have felt the spirit, I have seen it's words shape and change lives, and have often received great personal revelation from it after a prayer. But I had never prayed specifically if it was true, I had never needed to.

When I was 12 and laying in my bed one night, I had prayed to God and asked him if he was real, and if he loved me. And I received a feeling up such peace and love that I can't describe. And I wish I wrote it down, because I forgot so much of what exactly that felt like. But a couple weeks ago I decided to put into action exactly what I have been preaching, and I got on my knees, and prayed to know if the Book of Mormon was the exact word of God. And I waited for a good 5 minutes, and felt the same. I still felt fine, felt good, but not any different than when I started the prayer. I was a little annoyed and impatient I didn't recieve a grand spiritual witness right then and there to confirm what I already knew, but I remember what I had seen and felt before, and just figured they Lord knew I could go a bit without a great spiritual manifestation. And I stuck too it, and the days went on. It had been a particularly difficult two weeks, with a lot of angry people and backlash for bearing a testimony, and I hate to admit it, thoughts started coming into my head as the advisary continueally reminded me of my lack of receiving a spiritual whitness. And while I still continued forward, remembering what I felt before, or at least trying to, some of those doubts dwelt in my heart longer than I would like to admit, and only seemed to increase. I prayed to God more than a few times a little impatiently for that witness I had been waiting on, and while I still felt his guiding hand in all my work, felt the spirit while I taught, and saw strait miracles, I was still impatient for that answer. 

Last Thursday night after planning for the next day, I was about to crash into bed, but suddenly felt the impulse to look up a scripture for one of our struggling investigators. I casually flipped open the book of Mormon and looked up Alma 34, thinking it might help him understand the atonement and purpose of this life a bit better. I tiredly said a quick 2 sentence prayer and started reading. And about at verse 6 I just felt this feeling I could never exactly explain, nor have felt before in my life. I can't explain it much better than "my mind began to be enlightened". I felt like my mind was suddenly clear, absolutely clean, and I felt this peace, this uplifting peace so strongly. It wasn't like this warm feeling that makes you all comfortable and sleepy, it made me feel lifted, more alert than ever, with a single, overwhelming feeling that what I held in my hands was the exact word of God. In short, it was awesome, and as I read, I read the book of Mormon like I never have before, and the next short few verses, I understood more than what I thought possible. I then spent the next 30 minutes trying to describe in my journal what it felt like. 

God will always answers our prayers, as long as we continue on. Sometimes he tests us a bit. After all, "there is no miracle untill after the trial of your faith." I love you guys, see you all next week. And even with that, I still know the book of mormon is true just from what I learn from it every day.